Fashion Perils of the Gym: thongs, naked someones and sweating to the oldies shorts

My dear Smashonisats after, two years of long and hard self-bribery and self-cajoling I decided to join the gym....silently kicking and screaming of course. And you know what I concluded some things have no place, I mean no place in the gym. For starters how about them thongs, ladies and gents? If you insist on wearing a thong and it's cheap cousin the g-string make sure your top is not vertically challenged and covers your bottom as you cycle, downward dog, make lasting relationships at the juice bar or whatever it is you do at the gym. And for God's sakes keep your clothes on in the locker room. I'm sorry I'm in my thirties and I still don't know what the proper etiquette is when someone is standing next to you in the locker room butt naked, blow drying their hair. Do you look at your shoes, do you turn and study that unsightly mole on your arm that you are contemplating getting removed? My first inclination is to run and get the hell out of there. FAST. But more frightening than the naked someone blowing drying their hair next to you is the old conversational naked someone, blow drying their hair next to you, who you call boss. (Believe me it's a true story, nobody could make this up. Imagine the awkwardness when you're called into the boss's office to get your new assignment). It's just plain uncomfortable, like getting waxed down there. You just never get used to it. And guys if you can smell your moist, moldy feet through your stinky old gym shoes, that means I can smell them too. Not only is this ALWAYS a fashion don't, it's just plain rude and unhygienic. Lastly, I know the 80's are back in a big way but practically speaking, some trends like Richard Simmons "sweating to the oldies" shorts, at least for men, should never be given a second shot at a fashion life again. Now with that being said, I'm off to the gym in my new striped pink and grey unitard and Jane Fonda leg warmers.....don't try to stop me.